Field Notes January 10 & 11, 2015

Leaning
Leaning

Practicing being with overwhelm. Too much all at once.
Death, fire, work.
In the midst of it all, deep love. Every day more understanding of living with
the heart broken open. There’s this feeling. A bit of a scraping on the earth.
At times, it hurts to walk or speak because the movement/language causes
the scraping.
The unbearable lightness of being.
Pull out the “tool bag”.
Meditation, chanting, breathing, writing, walking in nature.
Gifts I’ve been given/ taken/held/discovered through this lifetime.
Today, I’m going to allow the wind to move through me.
Today, let the wind carry all these feelings/thoughts, as a prayer.
To live is a prayer.
To be alive is a prayer.

Pema Chodron, in her book, “Comfortable with Uncertainty, 108 Teachings”, in Chapter 11, speaks to
the “Four Qualities of Maitri”. Maitri is having “complete acceptance of ourselves”. The four qualities include
1) steadfastness 2) clear seeing 3) exploring our emotional distress 4) attention to the present moment.
Pema says we have “less self-deception” when we can allow ourselves to see clearly.
And then, “We practice dropping whatever story we are telling ourselves and leaning into the emotions and fear.
We stay with the emotion, experience it, and leave it as it is, without proliferating. Thus we train in opening the fearful heart to the restlessness of our own energy. We learn to abide with the experience of our emotional distress. And then…

“We make the choice, moment by moment, to be fully here.”

And, there it is.

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