This lesson is about realizing that the actual playing of the cello is not what I’m looking for.
Two weeks, the decision is made to take it back.
So, I take it back.
Because I was nervous having a $1500 instrument sit in a house with 4 animals and fur that’s always flying.
Because thoughts like, “I wonder and I should try and I want to listen to my inner guidance” are asking to be balanced with, “can I afford this additional monthly expense, but, more importantly, what am I wanting to do with this stunning piece of maple?
And it struck me, one day, working on my “bow hold” and tuning the beautiful instrument, what I am really looking for is “the sound that cannot be heard”.
What does this mean? It’s a continuation of seeking something from an outside source to give me something, what? Some kind of experience. Something to take me deeper into my self, my SELF. And then it occurred to me, this wonderful idea was also a distraction from the work at hand. The work of writing and editing a piece that I’ve already started.
Settling. Settling in. Not settling for.
No. Really letting myself sink.
So the cello got de-furred and brought back to the violin shop. There was a pang in my heart and I knew it was right, the action being taken.
And, I found a brilliant app that duplicates a variety of stringed instruments in addition to dozens more instruments. So I can make sounds, many sounds and loop them and shape them creating many sounds that at one time, could not be heard.
There’s always reinventing going on.
I’m reading a wonderfully simple and profound book, “Paradise in Plain Sight; Lessons from a Zen Garden”, by Karen Maezen Miller. In the chapter “Roots” describing what happens after we’re born:
“You are born completely endowed with the perfected wisdom of the awakened mind. You are a miracle. You are a genius. You eat when hungry and sleep when tired. You are a Buddha. But in the same way that you will forget the circumstances of your birth, you will forget the truth of your being. And by forgetting what you are, you will suffer in the painful, fruitless search to become something else, striving against your own perfection to feel whole and secure. By your attachment to desires, you will squander the chance of endless lifetimes: the chance to be born in human form. Luckily, the chance to be reborn-to wake up- arises every moment. Your body is the body of inexhaustible wisdom.
When will you realize it?”
When will I?