Who Am I Without?

Kuan Yin

November 1. First official day of final Mercury retrograde of 2019 in Scorpio.
Solar eclipse on December 26 that won’t be visible to those in North America. A penumbral lunar eclipse on January 10, 2020, again, won’t be visible to us. Saturn (organizer/container)/Pluto (revolutionary/overturn/endings) conjunction in Capricorn for the first time since 1518!  So much happening in the sky/stars/outer realms that (in my world view) are deeply affecting this inner cosmos. Ultimately ALL for the betterment of everyone. (it might not always feel that way!)

I’ve already had the first 2 rounds of teacher training; which are 3 very intense days per month. The other day my partner said, “two months down, seven to go.” I had a moment of anxiety. I thought, “It will be June before I know it!” It was a nice reminder to remain present, not get ahead of myself.

Not entirely sure what to say at this point. I’ve taken myself off Instagram and Facebook. I don’t really miss them. I do recognize how much I spent doing “the scroll”/going down the black hole of social media. I used to post quite a few images. So now I ask myself, who was I doing that for? Feedback? Connection? Looking. Seeking. It’s so beautiful to understand how connected we all are and yet, at the same time, distanced/isolated. Curious.

I’ve been practicing a 40 day sadhana specific to my tantric numerology. It’s called a kriya (set of exercises) and a mantra that I chant at the end.  The whole practice takes about 45 minutes so I’m learning to get up earlier these days. There are in fact, several practices in Kundalini Yoga to support a person along their journey. I am a duck in water with all of it. I am not surprised and so delighted that this practice finally found me.

Even with something that is so good for me I find that “less is more”. Practicing the same movements every day, the body protests on some days, and other mornings, no push back at all. So on the days where there is pain, I back off but have learned I can still remain fully engaged physically and mentally, giving full attention to the moment. Learning to listen to the subtleties of this body.

There have also been a few mornings where I don’t feel fully present; the mind is wandering and I’m cruising along on auto pilot. Of course, at some point, I do notice, take a deep breath and get back in the game. I’m not going to admonish myself for being human.

And then….there’s all the nuances of the practices and the lifestyle itself. There are more than 5000 kriyas….hundreds and hundreds taught by Yogi Bhajan while still in the physical form. So, each kriya is a set of exercises to specifically work on your hormones and nervous system. And the chanting is understood as the sacred science of sound. (naad). There is no doubt in my mind that energy and karma and the energetics of “Mary” are shifting and morphing. No, “she” is not a stagnant force, but a moving, swirling set of molecules. Dynamic.

And there’s everything I’ve ever heard/learned/read/experienced, up until each moment that I’m typing these words that are being arranged/ re-arranged, de-constructed and restructured. The “identity”, the ego is getting a good sanding, if you will. Surface being smoothed out. Dust particles falling off that are no longer necessary.

Going deeper and feeling the sacredness of this practice, of this life. No separation. Time now for removing all distractions. Re-alignment. Focusing on my passion. Absoluteness of dynamics. De-colonization of language; one of my biggest practices as we move forward into this Aquarian Age. I would say the next 6 months are going to contain things none of us have ever seen before in our lifetime.

Between now and January 12, 2020; get clear, stay focused, let go of anything that isn’t serving your truest authentic self.

Buckle up. And let go.

Much love,

Sita Chandjoti

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