I’m Way in Now

HipstamaticPhoto-608328567.353268 (2)

**image from “Kundalini Yoga for the West” by Swami Sivananda Radha

Saturday, April 11, 2020.

I’ve been home accept for 2 grocery outings since March 19th.
I’ve been getting up at 3:45 am to do sadhana practices for 2 and half hours. Some days I’ll go back to sleep. Other days I can fall into a particular routine. The trick is…
not to linger when the friendly alarm goes off. Keep moving. Some mornings it’s automatic. Other days I’m quietly reminding myself to move. I throw water on my face, brush my teeth. Make a cup of tea. Feed the kitty. Turn the space heater on and off to Zoom I go.

There’s a lot of Zoom these days. Zoom for yoga teacher training. Zoom for Miksang photography. Zoom for chanting.
Zoom. Zoom.
Everyone is now on-line. There is support everywhere you look. Some days, it’s way too much. The nervous system needs to go off-line.

I live in the forest and I’m watching spring come alive. Every day new buds on the lilac tree, the rose bush, the elm tree. The leaves for the tiger lillies and tulips are a lush green.

Today there was a moment of, “no, I’m not ready. Don’t tell me it’s time to go back out into the world.” This term, “the new normal.” What was ever normal? Who can say. Always felt myself to be way the other side of whatever that word implies.
(a bell shaped curve of things.)

There’s “new normal”~ 2 butterflies are dancing outside my window.
Flattening the curve~I need to take a shower.
It’s 1:44pm.

I pray the rosary. I keep looking for Mary Magdalene. My right bicep feels tender and sore for no reason. The coffee’s cold.
I still need to take that shower. I write down people’s names. Living with and wondering if they will die from. Stories of living with this virus that I’m preferring not to name. It already has been given so much attention. Place their names on lime green posties and place them on my altar. It’s getting crowded. Loop the chant Akal: timeless/immortal.

Realizing today there’s so much pushing on my side of things. Words like: allowing, accepting, receiving, and being available all take on new meaning.
Knowing what i think i already know as a completely new something.

i.i.i.

and know something for the first time.

awareness of a thing. the thing. is the activation.

Answering questions for a test, to be given a certification. Answering questions for a topic that makes no sense. My test: take the question and turn it into a newness. A learning.

There’s this awareness. Simultaneous. Pressure in the auric field. Pressure in the intellect. Making sense, keeping things in some fashion of order.

Breath. Water.

Venus calling. What are the qualities of the earth?
Directions/suggestions from spirit: have a conversation with your dna.
A conversation with your sacrum.

Anais Nin~ “I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living…”

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