Back in about January, still working my cut/part-time hours (24 to 12) and collecting partial unemployment, I began pondering what things would look like and how I would feel, once “things went back to normal”. Or, a reasonable facsimile thereof. I was getting to enjoy working 4 hours a day/3 days a week; having all that time to myself. It occurred to me, I was being given the opportunity to get the feel for retirement. And what that word means to me.

List of last 6 months.
First: I recognized I’d been holding my breath since the November election.

Dis-entangling from social media.

Familiarity with tarot symbolism
Making friends (again) with haiku and haibun and experimental hybrids of writing. 
Appreciating sangha and simultaneously, not wanting to be in a group.
Disliking group think/speak.
Emotional, psychological, and physical preparedness for the COVID vaccine.
The morning the body said, “Ok, I’m ready.”
Getting the vaccine #1
Getting the vaccine #2.
There’s 2 months right there.
Learning the Transcendental Meditation method.
May15th and it’s back to 24 hours a week.
Back to a “regular paycheck”.
Health issues have me turning to cranial sacral therapy.
Hiatal hernia and digestion.
What am I not digesting? Don’t need to digest/who said I had to digest.
Discovered anxiety and fears no longer serving.
Taking into account the complete regeneration of cells every 7 years, does this mean I no longer carry traumas from a very young girl, a teenager, a young woman? Gone. Gone. Gone beyond.
solar eclipse
lunar eclipse
new moon
full moon
My two grown sons; both moving through life altering, life changing transitions that are still too new, too raw and so fragile to speak about out in the world.
Decision to begin social security at 64. (now)
Integration and acceptance of leaving/completing/work at years end. (shh…they don’t know yet).
The utter enmeshment of a life of work.
Pulling this life long weaving apart, piles of a single thread sitting beside my writing table. Reminding me of the crocheted work that trails on seemingly endlessly, created by Tita, the main character in “Like Water for Chocolate.”

Just now, writing this much, I understand that “busy” takes on new meaning.
Adjective: having a good deal to do.
Verb: keep occupied. “To remain occupied with something to ensure that one is not idle or bored.”

with the sounds of songbirds in the yard.
sounds of the wind.
Busy; with the fullness of life in each moment.
Busy; nurturing the fullness of an “untapped/yet to be seen/still to be discovered- Mary.
This is no “idled time”.

Thanks to Miriam Sagan and her inspiration to this blog: https://miriamswell.wordpress.com/


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