Fieldnotes: October/November

Autumn bursts goldenleafed cottonwoods.
shimmering. Observing continued mask mandate in all in-door locations; including where I work. Preparing for retirement in ways I don’t know how. I won’t know how it feels until it happens. No matter how much I think I can prepare.

I do acknowledge I have worked for fifty years and paid into a system I very rarely thought of but now am so grateful that the unawareness of those said fifty years are going to allow me to have a monthly income for the rest of my life.

Virgo to Libra to Scorpio sun (s). Burning esophegeal, stomach, and intestines. Too much information? MU invited and given. TM practiced whilst my love of zen deepens. Making it all my own and nor feeling guilty or feeling I”m “not doing the spiritual path the way I’m supposed to.”

Who’s calling whose bluff? Reading Ruth Ozeki’s 560 page novel, “The Book of Form and Emptiness”, and experienceing a newfound respect for what it takes to create fiction. Listening to Natalie Goldberg read her own words in “Thunder and Lightning”. Inspired to begin again.

Asking: what is narcicism, and its a relationship (what sets it apart from) self-cherishing, self-centeredness, selfishness, egocentric behaviors. Loving and parenting and unconditional love in said: interpersonal/intimate relationships, parenting one’s adult children who in fact are no longer children (most assuredly) my children/sons.

Removing myself from social media (well mostly)- FB and IG. I continue the illusion that Twitter informs me politically and affords me more choices of who my news sources are. And a lot of polarization and whining.

Retirement has its own process. I’m not even sure what that is exactly. When you’re in the thick of it. You’re there. Maybe in a year or so from now, I’ll have some beginning views of what this is looking like.

And tomorrow we fall back in time.

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